I still remember Raghu (no, Rajiv, or...whatever) asking Roop, if some girls on the show bitch about you on your face, will you take the shit.... and she said-- after politically mentioning that if she needs to maintain good relations with them, she can let them go-- "no i wont take the shit ON MY FACE"! And this takes me back to my doubt, should i do the same? I was never among those who would stand infinite humiliation and laugh along with the jokers.
Should i break all fake relations and give them a piece of my anger, long accumulated, and ready to erupt? Should i say, "Hey, stop acting, i know what you are on my back...."? Should i turn my face when once more they look at me and when i'm gone... laugh? Should they not know that me, whom they know for so long, if needed can be more evil than anyone can imagine? Should i show them that when i punch someone on his face, its not so easy to open the eye for next few days?
But as they say, every action has an equal and opposite reaction... In this case the reaction is obvious... So here comes my Selfishness, standing tall and confident in front of my self respect. Fear of dying a lonely death gives me strength to carry the corpse of these relations on my shoulders, flaunting them to the heartless, soulless wood and fire of the cemetery? Now i truly realize why when returning from my equally (or may be less) bad intern, my heart wrote "from hell to Hell" as status message on Orkut. Somewhere deep inside i knew i don't have anyone (pardon me if you are not among them) waiting for me here.
I wished that some day everyone would behave with me as if i'm a regular guy like them... but now the wish to wish has vanished. I wanted that i too hang around with someone who accepts me the way i am... but now their rejection took over My acceptance to anyone. I needed a friend to know my heart and stand by me in the tough times... but now time has stood against me and the thing called friendship.
Is it my selfishness that stops me from turning into a rebel? Or do i still have faith the in over-rated virtue known as Humanism, which i usually completely disagree with, animals being more sensitive to such humanistic problems? If former, then is my act justified? Am i not being as wicked a guy as them? But my act is just to pretend i don't know anything and actually... not act!!! So this does no harm to them at least (as if i care). If latter, is it possible that the snow which didn't fall in IIT Guwahati in years, will fall this summer? Huh...
Those who think they don't fall in above described category, what would you do if, God forbid, you were in my shoes? And those who do (i made this blog public for you guys), here you have another thing about me to discuss in your chat sessions...
Friday, August 14, 2009
Self Respect vs Selfishness
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About Me
- Gurmeet Singh
- Silent Spectator, Tolerant, Observant, Emo, Easy going, Boring to some, Shy, what do u think? Professional Sites: 1) http://iitg.academia.edu/GurmeetSingh 2) http://sites.google.com/site/gurmeetcv/curriculum-vitae
4 comments:
Your post was definitely an interesting read. I have found myself in similar situations as yours but have more than often decided to move away from such situations or if that is not possible, just keep quiet. It helps in the sense that one, it helps you keep your cool because until and unless those people or whoever it is don't hold much significance in your life it's pointless to waste your energy on them. second, whatever they say does not change what you are and should not determine your future actions.
It can be frustrating, yes. annoying, yes. but in the end that is what pays off
regards
:)
thanks much for the read and concern, but i'd have appreciated a non-anonymous comment more... thanks again!!!
hmmm... *shows your weaknesses* thats what i would have said had it not been a public post ;) but well, it really shows through your frustration.. the key is... no one is the way they show themselves to be.. everyone is behind a mask some big, some small... everyone is only following a generally accepted code of conduct... that is the foundation of a society... if five more people start thinking the same way as you, there will be nothing more called as a society... the point is, you cannot accept these others as they are... why should they accept you? stop cursing fate... everything that happens to us is either by your own doing/misdoing or by accident... you have no reason to think that you are the only one suffering or your suffering is higher than others... how much do you know about a boy who has lost his father and can still smile in public? don't assume people just because they say things behind your back... in short, it shouldn't matter whether they are a friend or whatever: love and friendship are unconditional... there is no REASON for either selfishness or self-respect buddy... they are just tools that we use to retain our ego.
point noted Dr. Shameek...!!!
yes it does show my weakness...not willing to argue though, still i'd mention that i do try to accept them forgetting/ forgiving all they do, but nothing is reciprocated... but here your point that friendship is unconditional is violated by me, i did expect at least acceptance from others, if not (deeper..) friendship
also, i don't curse fate, i'm just looking for a way to handle what fate has bestowed me with
and lastly, i don't have problem with people being bitchy on my back, the thing that bothers me is why they fake on my face???
anyways...still totally living up to your suggestions i would try to not expect anything in return :)
thanks much!!! :)
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