WE, THE PEOPLE

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC... frankly speaking, i never paid any heed to these BIG words (BIG because they are pasted from wikipedia, i didn't make them CAPITAL), at least after the class tenth exams, until asked to write a blog entry on this, and a deeper look at these words makes me wonder if we are any of these words?

For instance how many of us in IIT do not indulge in kind of any discrimination on the basis of region, like calling the South-Indians aintra when they do not like it; on the basis of religion, calling others katua when none can ever like it; on the linguistic grounds, for instance not talking to one's neighbor if he can't speak good hindi...??? The list goes endless... and yes, more or less, WE THE PEOPLE, are ALL a part of it.

India, in my eyes, i may contradict many here though, has never been SECULAR. Yet i can guarantee to say that if the same neighbor falls ill, or that aintra needs help, then not many would turn skeptical towards the needy... So why is it that we find fun in momentary pleasures of senseless, needless, pointless, rather unacceptable form of humor which touches sensitive nerves of some sensitive others???

Remaining silent about the other four BIG words, i can't forget the denial of entry to a German Disco a couple of months back purely on the grounds of my religion, when my Indian friends, even after my genuine request, refused to leave me alone outside and we had to settle for a Coffee Bar instead of the Dance Bar ;) Did i mention these are the guys who used to LOL around when i washed my long hair??? Did i mention that while writing this, even i feel i contradict myself...

Well... keeping in mind the experiences of being in minority since the childhood, i'm bound to hold the stand on the, so to say, non-secular India... but somewhere inside me the INDIAN shouts back and says... "chhod na yaar, jaise bhi hain mere apne hain...CHILL dude, so are we... WE THE PEOPLE"

Know Your True Self

Know your true self... realize the mysterious difference between what you want to say and what you say, what you think and what you actually do...

Not very seldom do we find ourselves in situations when we wonder why can we not follow our hearts, why is it that we have to live life the others' way, why can't we just say whats in our mind, why words at our lips don't flow and those knocking at the beholder's ears are told?

Do we fear hurting them? Do we fear revealing our true identity? But the most important question is do we ourself realize this? Do we know when last time we had a conflict between whether to hurt selves by not listening to our heart or not...

So lets all do one thing in the near future for ourselves which we would not have done otherwise... If you do, please post here...

Self Respect vs Selfishness

          I still remember Raghu (no, Rajiv, or...whatever) asking Roop, if some girls on the show bitch about you on your face, will you take the shit.... and she said-- after politically mentioning that if she needs to maintain good relations with them, she can let them go-- "no i wont take the shit ON MY FACE"! And this takes me back to my doubt, should i do the same? I was never among those who would stand infinite humiliation and laugh along with the jokers.

          Should i break all fake relations and give them a piece of my anger, long accumulated, and ready to erupt? Should i say, "Hey, stop acting, i know what you are on my back...."? Should i turn my face when once more they look at me and when i'm gone... laugh? Should they not know that me, whom they know for so long, if needed can be more evil than anyone can imagine? Should i show them that when i punch someone on his face, its not so easy to open the eye for next few days?

          But as they say, every action has an equal and opposite reaction... In this case the reaction is obvious... So here comes my Selfishness, standing tall and confident in front of my self respect. Fear of dying a lonely death gives me strength to carry the corpse of these relations on my shoulders, flaunting them to the heartless, soulless wood and fire of the cemetery? Now i truly realize why when returning from my equally (or may be less) bad intern, my heart wrote "from hell to Hell" as status message on Orkut. Somewhere deep inside i knew i don't have anyone (pardon me if you are not among them) waiting for me here.

          I wished that some day everyone would behave with me as if i'm a regular guy like them... but now the wish to wish has vanished. I wanted that i too hang around with someone who accepts me the way i am... but now their rejection took over My acceptance to anyone. I needed a friend to know my heart and stand by me in the tough times... but now time has stood against me and the thing called friendship.

          Is it my selfishness that stops me from turning into a rebel? Or do i still have faith the in over-rated virtue known as Humanism, which i usually completely disagree with, animals being more sensitive to such humanistic problems? If former, then is my act justified? Am i not being as wicked a guy as them? But my act is just to pretend i don't know anything and actually... not act!!! So this does no harm to them at least (as if i care). If latter, is it possible that the snow which didn't fall in IIT Guwahati in years, will fall this summer? Huh...

          Those who think they don't fall in above described category, what would you do if, God forbid, you were in my shoes? And those who do (i made this blog public for you guys), here you have another thing about me to discuss in your chat sessions...

A relation called Smile...

Quite a few semesters have passed at my institute and i still wonder why is it that i gel very well with some people and know i can get along well with some others, but above all know that i would never be able to befriend the rest...? Took me an effortless realization to find out that the answer lies in one of the most beautiful gifts of the Creator to the creation, and that is Smile.

A pure simple smile travels across the room, over the windows, the greens , the roads, hostels and cities... Even the slightest of the smiles can be felt across boundaries on telephone calls. The heavy heart lightens and enlightens the mind to start over reconsidering the difficulties again... for the sake of those who care about us, and are not aware of what goes inside us when we listen to their smile when no ray of hope was seen...

But then what is it that stops those few others to spread this gesture of warmth and comfort to the people around? Or is it me who has closed myself to the restricted 'some' and turn a skeptical eye to the smiling others? While the former seems to be convincingly true, the latter gives a completely new turn to this blog... ;) On a second thought, i recall myself trying to commence the conversation with the same old bad smile of mine, today itself, but obviously knocking on the doors closed permanently for me...

Continuing my good experiences with the golden smile, what surprises me is how A wrinkles his lips to bring a smile on my face while B can smile at me as many times in the day as we pass by... no words are exchanged, no handshake is holding the bond upright, but the thread of smile connects us to a relation beyond words. Then comes a thought that who is, pardon me for this, a better friend of mine? Is it A, who struggles his unwillingness to acknowledge looking at me, but still has a soft corner in his heart for me to finally share his happiness with me? Or B who has been a smilingly boring friend of mine since ever?

I think me writing all this is itself explaining my feelings towards both... but i wish the C could see that my heart is still open for him...